Spring Break??? ...or not. ;)

hooray! Spring break is here. In a sense. I no longer have classes. Instead I have: two midterms to study for, a big project, several research objectives, and an all-week conference to attend and listen to ppl talk about their projects.

To quote my FEM teacher Dr. Ghosh:

"Oh...spring break? Yeah, that's the time when you get to even more work than usual." :)

Thanks, professor...thanks...

And that's certainly true in this sense as well. In graduate school it seems every professor assumes you will be doing nothing else and so assigns some big project since of course you'll have the time. My family was going to come up and visit me. Now...well...now that's not going to work since I won't be at home long enough to spend time with them. :(

It's okay...they may be able to come three months from now. *forehead slap*

Well anyway. Now that we're through with complaining, I'll mention that I'm not too sad about the prospects. I'm most annoyed by the fact that I don't get to see my family. Otherwise, I have absolutely no regrets about being busy. It's one of those things that I love. So let's pray that this is a great week that allows me to catch up on the myriad of things that I'm currently behind on.

Another thing I'm very excited about is the garden I'm starting. So excited!!!! :D
Gardening/landscaping has always been one of those things that I absolutely love, and I'm gonna be converting my pathetically small patch of grass in the backyard into a vegetable garden this spring. Frost is still on which is unfortunate, but it hasn't stopped me from planning, buying seeds, buying soil supplements (just in case the quality sucks which is probably the case since it's a fallow little plot in the city). I've been throwing my compost on it all winter. And my tomatoes are sowed in sprouting trays upstairs! I'm very much looking forward to seeing them grow... (LOVE tomatoes!)

I also bought some house plants which immediately started blooming beautifully when I brought them home. I'm glad to see that plants still love me... :D

My mood has already improved seeing them in the windowsill. But I'm worried the poor fellows may not get enough light in this dark house and it's still too cold for the back deck...hmmm.

Well, my tomatoes are not much to look at yet, but here is a picture of my flowers which I brought home 6 days ago:

We have from right to left: dianthus, African violet, columbine, and the last which actually isn't a flower. It's a pretty bush called a Schefflera, very tiny right now, but it will hopefully grow bigger when I repot it. yay!

Living things are the best decorations in my opinion.

Sudden Silence:

So today Johns Hopkins shut down. It was quite a surprise seeing as how it never shuts down for anything, but apparently the winter storm was expected to be quite bad. I'm not sure about that. I remember seeing a little bit of snow...right before I went back to sleep. When I woke up it was pouring rain and all the snow was gone.

So...I've been here...all day so far. Just hanging out on an unexpected weekday at my house. It's been nice. I actually ate a legit breakfast that wasn't five minutes to prepare. I made myself some chamomile tea an hour ago...and now I'm just relaxing...waiting for my quota I guess...until I resume my work again. Grad school feels sometimes like a never-ending process. The work is challenging and it's fun to be doing research, but these past few weeks have been more like undergraduate (except way harder) in that I've barely had time to do anything other than coursework and assignments. I'll be doing that probably next hour for the rest of the day. Just checked my email and there's another long one assigned. This is a bit disconcerting as it means that I am not accomplishing much of my research objectives...which my advisor has clearly stated is unacceptable. Well, maybe Saturday I'll have time to do something else. In the mean-time I'm gonna enjoy this next hour, maybe do some house-cleaning or something, then make some tea and a snack and get to work. :)

Unexpected breaks are the best...I can finally get some stuff done that I've been needing to do. I just hope I don't squander it. :)

well, cheerio! That's all I feel like communicating today. ;)

The Return of the Tennessean-Turned-Baltimorean:

And with that age-old line of computer programs: "Hello World."

So let's just say I have this nostalgic bent. Or maybe it's just the beautiful, soothing blue, of my old blog. Whatever it is, I simply can't resist putting another post now that I've read my old blog for the first time in a long time. It's interesting how time just kind of froze over here. At least for me. Here's the old me...struggling through undergraduate, conscious about friends, trying to be funny, and my poetry is everywhere here.

And here's the new me. A graduated engineer, with a degree, passed the FE Certification exam, enrolled in a PhD program at Johns Hopkins and doing Glaucoma biomaterials research. Quite the contrast. I even own my own little rowhouse and my family live 12 hours away in Tennessee. I must say, I miss the countryside quite dearly--and the family. And yet...Life is...strangely...wonderful. It couldn't have turned out better in retrospect. I have followed where God led me, I have a great new church and network of friends I'm in the process of making, and I have the hardest classes I've ever taken in my life...not to mention full-time medical research! This is the kind of thing that was only a dim aspiration a few years ago. And yet...though life is wonderful...I must confess that it is not the extenuating circumstances and things that make it great, but it is the relationships, and the fact that I am at peace inside, and where God wants me that makes this place awesome. I can look back over all those years of development and see the ways God has challenged and changed me. It makes me excited to see why he has me here and what he'll do with me in the future! :D Now that I'm by myself and far away this might be the perfect time to occasionally update my blog. I'm not sure if any of my old friends will notice but we'll see! I'd love to catch up with you all. :)

And before I go, I'll give the typical Dan outro and provide a piece that I've written recently. This poem is an original Baltimore composition, and hopefully the first in a long string of new writing as I revitalize my old hobbies and habits. enjoy! This one is my tribute to the beautiful falls and winters of the North (sorry Tennessee) ;)


Fall,
The rush of autumn colors arise,
clashing in their variety.
Like fire wending its way
Through the treetops of the North.

A dance of dizzying colors
Swirls around me,
A veritable shower
Of falling, flying leaves.

Wading through sunset,
Scarlet blazes with burnished bronze,
Yellows, fade to pale green,
In a dizzying array of winter preparation.

One could imagine that the trees
Were putting on a show.
A drama known only to them
Of the joy and heartbreak of the bygone year,
The climax and end fast approaching.

Each color represents,
The hopes, loves, and fear,
of each tree's experience.
Some display with exuberance,
Shouting their jubilation
In a blaze of crimson, gold, and ochre.
Others, fade in dismal desperation,
surrendering with a sigh of drab brown,
Welcoming the coming numbness of sleep.

But human life continues on.
Where the colors in the trees
Eventually fade into obscurity,
Humankind remains ablaze with color,
As if shouting defiance to a sleeping, white world,
Refusing to bow to the rhythm of nature.
But we will not last forever either...

When each of us ends our lives,
With years to count,
Loves, laughs, and sorrows to remember,
Will we celebrate with exuberance
As the trees so unabashedly do?
Or will we fade into sleep,
With a sigh of relief?
Another brown leaf,
Fallen on the forest floor?
The choice is yours.

10/27/12 11:52 PM
Dan E. Midgett

Well, you know...

Well, you know. You know how it happens, how time just flies and all. All that to say I am very sorry for missing the past 6 months of possible posts. Well, never mind, I'm not really, but that's because I've been very preoccupied since last August. School and work pretty much nonstop...and loving every second of it. This semester, my new goal is to actually get enough sleep...yeah, I thought that was a pretty good one lol...so far so good, this semester is great!

Everything's still pretty tentative in my life, but I am getting more and more aware of my impending college graduation...son it'll only be a year away...that's kindof odd to think about. However, the closer I get the less worried I am. By now I'm so used to giving presentations, working, and organizing my life that I could probably graduate now and do okay. Over the past 2 weeks I've been compiling my life and its general awesomeness into a one-page sheet and have begun to send it and my college transcript out to internships for this summer. I'm really excited about this because it'll be my first chance to use all I've been learning in engineering out in the work world. One opportunity is in Biomedical Engineering and I'd be in Maryland assisting Engineers who develop now medical devices. Another is in San Diego CA and it's the one I really want right now. Over there I'd be assisting some famous Marine Biologists as they do...well, what they do, watch whales, do marine experiments...it's a little fuzzy but I've always loved the idea behind the field. Exploration of the Ocean and investigation of life...all that jazz. Anyway...thought I'd update and ya'll know. I'm doing great and I'm getting really excited about my future. I can't wait to see where God'll take me next. Heck, I might even be married in 2 years or so...now that's a weird thought...actually a bunch of my friends are engaged or married...and I'm like 21...hmmm. Yeah, I'm gonna stop thinking about that, as of now I still not even dating. Not that I don't want too...just haven't found the person I'm looking for yet. I AM interested in someone, but as of now, I still don't know her well enough to gauge whether or not it would work...still working on that! :)

Well, guess I'm done. Time for more of that homework... ;)

Back at last!

So I'm back on campus now...as usual I will probably only post once or twice during the school year, but I thought I'd let everyone know the case. I'm really excited about this new school year and what it might bring. New friendships, new knowledge, new opportunities. It's all endless really--and it's great.

I actually started off my first week by being absent Thursday and Friday though. Thinking back it may be my first time to ever miss class like that, but after this weekend I can honestly say I would have skipped 2 weeks of school to go to The Calling. It was one of the best experiences I've had in a long, long time, and certainly the best event of my entire summer. Kudos to all the men who worked at my church and from other churches...they were great. Basically, The Calling of Men is a 4-day encampment where older, godly men minister to younger men. The purpose is to teach young men what it means to embrace their God-given, Christ-destined masculine souls, in the face of a culture that is causing young men to lose their identity. The entire weekend we were being served and loved, but the real jewel actually turned out to be the structure of the camp. We were so busy there was almost no free time and yet no one seemed to notice, in an instant I felt so close to everyone around me, it was so connected that I felt like I was at home stepping off the bus when we arrived. The weekend just kept getting better and better too. We had about 4-6 speakers a day intermixed with sports and special activities and the topics ranged all over the map with biblical masculinity. Coming into the camp I had a billion questions and apprehensions about my future and all the events that are nearing in my life, like getting married, starting a family, getting a job. Coming out of the camp I feel like I've been given a very clear direction in life. I had heard a lot of the things mentioned because my Dad is great like that and always gives me very applicable life advice, but I've never heard it put together in such a clear, coherant way. For once, I'm feeling very at peace about the strange future ahead...and again I'm getting excited about all those possibilities.

This was a wonderful way for God to break the funk I got into last semester. Basically, I was working so hard last semester that I had no free time. My friendships suffered, my health suffered, my sleep suffered. In fact, practically everything suffered but my grades which turned out great, but that's the problem with me. My hyperfocus. Whatever is the predominant, important thing to me becomes the center of my hyperfocus, a focus so intense that almost everything else needing my attention suffers. It's not like I try to do this...I just do what I need to get done, but I now believe that there could have been a healthier balance to my ordeal. For instance, I was so absorbed in my school-work that whenever I did finish it all, all I could do was sit there and feel lost...because I'd forgotten how to use my free time. Up to my last final in the Spring I was pumped and diligent, studying for hours and pouring over problems and methods...making sure I knew the concepts backwards and forwards. Then, when I walked out of my last final I had this odd sinking feeling come over me, almost immediately after the thought of: I'm done! Came this thought: "Man, now what do I do with my life."

I had become so lost in my school-work that it had become normal to race through learning. It's all that I seemed to have time for. It took me the entire summer, and until this camp to realize that this mindset was still affecting me...and I had the hardest time relaxing without feeling tense about it until this weekend. Did I say it was great? I really can't describe why, but those older men really know something about the masculine soul, they knew how to engage us and challenge us. And yank every one of us out of the illusions we'd allowed to wrap around us. Mine was the all-consuming mindset, and I learned to relax and start developing myself in every direction again. It's a much better feeling than simply doing awesome at my schoolwork. I actually feel as if I'm returning to what I already knew which is funny, but in a way true. I've always been concerned about my growth in every dimension, the most important being my spiritual walk with God, and yet I was side-tracked somehow by the busyness of life. It's an illusion I hope never to be wrapped in again. I'm much happier when I'm growing into the man God always intended me to be...anything that stalls me in that is just not worth it. wouldn't you agree? ~Dan Midgett

Myriad:

There's something about a waterfall...something about the mist, the sound, the spray, that deep-throated thunder that reverberates through everything...it's just intoxicating! Waterfalls are probably one of my favorite places on earth. I like to swim until I'm underneath, and climb the rock walls, and let the surf pound down around my ears...until it's all I can hear...and the white becomes my world. There's no more romantic spot in the world...at least to me. And I mean that in the sense of Anne of Green Gables. It's a romantic place to fantasize, whether you are with or without someone...either way it is a drug for my senses.

This irrational love of water, especially fast-moving water has existed in me for as long as I can remember--I've always been fascinated by it. Perhaps that's why when I searched inside of myself for words to express how I was feeling in my latest poem...it was all about waterfalls...

Myriad:

Mirror, Mirror, gleaming bright,
Upon the wall, upon the night,
Upon the drip of ringing drops
That scatter rainbows in the light.

The dripping drops of silver sound,
They levitate--above the ground--
Each hovers like a crystal ball,
Above the mist of waterfall.

They shiver like an angel's breath,
And coast in silent pirouette,
Then drop on hawk's wings--striking true--
To settle on my face like dew...

Each shining mote descends like glass,
And turns the rock into a mass,
of frothing, foaming revelry,
A world of rivulets an streams.

A silver pane of glass runs by,
Escaping from the the thund'rous sound,
Within the depths, a face stares out
And echoes back the thoughts I own.

The falls are peaceful in the night,
A note of thunder in my mind.
I sit, I write, I sing along,
And silently: I watch the fog...

~Dan Midgett 7/1/10 12:10 AM

Because I can!

Q: why am I posting new blog?
A: Heck, why do I do anything? ;)

Q: why did I vanish from the blogging world for half a year?
A: Well, frankly, because I can, but more importantly because no one ever asked me not too. Frankly if anyone was interested in what I had to say they would have told me to say something. Isaiah got the closest I believe, kudos to you kid! *thumbs up* ...I would write you a poem since I do that a lot, but frankly, I'm not going too...and why? Because I can...

If it seems like my logic is going in circles it's because it is. If you're worrying your head over and over again trying to figure out what the heck I'm trying to accomplish by posting this...I'd say take some aspirin and sit back. Because, frankly, when I write, well I write. Actually, my shortest contributions are usually when I copy things in...another random fact for anyone who cares... And now, I feel like believing in myself. It's quite fun for all you depressed people who are down on yourselves...So...for everyone who is curious...and everyone who has been struggling through the muddled mess of my logic to get to this point...and for everyone who hates the fact that I've just used 4 ellipses in this sentence...I will say, calmly, yet again: I...do...it...because...I...can...

I believe my point couldn't be clearer, despite the fact that it's, quite frankly, about the consistency of mud. Speaking of mud...our pond is almost gone...but that's another story.

I will now tell you, quite simply, how I feel. I FEEL AWESOME!!!!!!! AMAZING! SPECTACULAR! ECSTATIC! JUST SIMPLY FABULOUS!!! in fact, the only thing that would make me feel any happier would be if someone would talk to me...because, quite frankly, I like talking with people. if anyone has noticed a recurring theme in my words that's because there is...And yes: I do it because I can...

Well here's the scoop folks. I mean the real one complete with a cone, triple stacked, and laden with at least several ounces of chocolate syrup, nuts, and those funny like sprinkles that they like to chuck up there. So: I've been looking for a job. In fact, I've been looking for a job for about the past 6 weeks. Oh, I do your odd job here and there, but nary a steady job to be found. I had put in about 50 or 60 applications. I dressed nice, spoke smoothly, and everywhere I went no one wanted to see me. Then, miraculously, I got a call from Kroger. I had been selected along with about 30 other applicants to apply for a tiny selection of positions that had just opened up. So I dressed up, brought my organizer, school schedule, misc. folder, and my other things and I sat....yes that's right my friends...I sat...in a room!

Sure there was another lady in the room, and she talked pretty much the whole time, but I mean, I was SITTING which was really the point. So this lady that I mentioned was talking, and she was talking rather a lot...I mean, on a scale of 1 to 10 of talkers she was probably a 9. A delightful 9 I'll tell you, but one nonetheless. In the first 2 minutes of discussion this talkative, delightful lady made it clear that in order to get hired I would need to work during the school-year and I would probably need to work during the school week as well. All fine and dandy except that's a 40 minute drive one-way and I'm living on campus. I assured her, that I would try to work something out and seriously thought about the possibilities of working around my massively difficult Fall schedule. Luckily I had it right there and she took a look at it too. And soon she was all smiles again. In fact, she gave me some very positive feedback on my interview and made it clear that I had looked professional and desirable. When she learned I was a 4.0 student she told me she had guessed it, and when my department manager for the position I was applying for came up for a personal interview, his first question after he heard my name was whether or not I was related to a Sharon Midgett, my grandmother. When he heard that I was he skipped the entire interview and instead told the lady what a great family I came from and how he was sure I would be a good candidate. I left feeling great except for the fact that I had, quite possibly, killed myself next semester.

Later after discussing it with my parents my apprehension grew. I had given a great interview and it looked like I would very seriously be considered, but I wasn't sure I could handle a semester like what I was creating. I was already carrying 19 hours, and the Junior enineering students had already told us stories about the upcoming semester, portraying it as the hardest semester of the engineering career. Their advice to me was that 16 would be difficult and that I should drop a class. Now, after I had already ignored their advice I would be carrying 19 and making an hour and a half commute to a job that wanted 18-22 hours a week during the school year. Not only was the job perfect...it was impossible to manage.

After praying with my parents, all of us got the same answer. That if I was called back I should tell them I couldn't handle the work next semester. So, sadly, when I recieved a call from Tammy Sue, the delightful lady, 3 days later eager to hire me, I had to tell her that I couldn't handle the upcoming semester and so I couldn't work. To my surprise she changed her tune then, not sure why, and asked me if I was sure...and whether or not I could just manage 18...the minimum for a part time worker. I told her it was impossible unless it was on Friday evenings and Saturdays when I was on my way back home anyway...but I had already told her this in our interview and she had said that that wasn't going to work. Then comes the amazing part. When I said this she said: actually we just hired a new guy that can cover for you during the school week that will work fine. So when do you want to come in for orientation?

...and that was that. Now I have a good job and I work with awesome people in the meat department at Kroger's. So God is awesome. After 6 weeks of searching and searching for jobs he gave me one...and, I must admit, the whole thing was a bit miraculous! ;)

THE END

Blahh...finals...boring...

Yes...I am doing finals...and yes, although in an interesting kind of way I do find them fun I'm about ready for them to be over this year...Since it's late and I'm so lazy at posting...I will again cop out with another of my recent poems...it seems I can't post on here but I have no trouble writing otherwise! ;)


Dream Realm:
Color your walls, and glitter your sight.
Hope became rain when the rain became night.
When hope was a dream and I swam in the blue,
Then I knew what I know, for I know what I knew...

When touch was a heartache, and flowers were pain,
When I knew that the walls that once bound me were dreamed,
If the colors were all that divided the light,
Then the rain would be less of a riotous sight.

To follow a sign, and put hope in divine,
To embrace the slick road that you lead.
To ever bring motion, to static devotion--
A God that is life in the dream.

To follow a shore-bird, appointed to northward,
Then color the white with your blue.
As the tracks of the ocean, rebounded with motion,
I'd find what I'd always known true.

What I'd give to be frozen...drift over the ocean,
And follow the froth of the bream.
What I'd give to live northward, in the realm of the goatherd,
And feed off the bountiful sea.

The calving of flock, would yet sing with the rock,
As it ground 'neath the weight of the tree,
And the alpine would go and give way to the snow,
Till buried--was all--that I'd be.

In an ocean of ice, I'd extol my new life,
And I'd dance in the heart of that dream;
As I followed the ocean to a land of devotion
Far beneath the deep blue of the sea.

There the darkness would fade, but the colors would stay,
And I'd sit in the bowels of the deep,
As I swallowed precotion with epic devotion,
And I sought the dear life of the free...

~Dan Midgett, 12/15/09 11:43 PM

I really wish I was in the world this poem describes right now...that's probably why I wrote it...

White & Black:

okay...so you all know how Dan likes to imagine himself in situations. We watched the 5-hour version of Pride and Prejudice by that brilliant author Jane Austin.
THough typical romance may be a bit formulaic, Austin is a master at the atypical examples, and I often sympathize with her realistic renditions of the follies and brilliancies of human nature. It helped, in part, to inspire my latest poem which I relate below, I hope you enjoy!


White and Black:

Beauty dances within eyes ablaze with snow...
The regal posture of laughter, preserved forever,
In the iron lock of black and white antiquity.

The portrait is a song--a song of life--a song of laughter, singing,
Far away where I don't know...and yet:

Eyes of white and eyes of black,
Heretofore my soul has lacked,
A cheerful word, a touch of tart,
A smile, dear, that breaks my heart.

In vain I've wrestled passion,
And I've fought and thought I'd won.
But just a word, and just a glance...
perpetuates my onward march.

My heart, ablaze, is little with the sun of morning smile,
And the locks of streaming hair,
That greet the farewells with their stare...

The setting of our friendship casts a pall on my delight,
And though I've struggled onward
I begin to wonder why...

What is my purpose in this world,
If not to love and not to hope?
There's little nurture to my soul
In math and school alone.

I study now, because I know
That one day it can serve.
And no dearer serve than that which brings
A light into my world.

If ever love did beat in heart,
I know that it bears true.
If ever man did raptures see,
Then I am that man too.

For never have I seen a girl more brilliant in my sight--
Then the woman I saw laughing, there, amidst the black and white...

How cruel to lock a mem'ry up,
To make it stare, and always look,
To make it make my heart take flight,
And crash...again...forsook...

Sometimes I stare, sometimes I look,
Sometimes I turn my back in shock,
For I can't bear the way she always
smiles in the chalk.

No rosy gleam,
No treach'rous scheme,
No smile but this pallid scene,
And yet that paleness is more dear
Than any other dream...

They say you live,
And move beyond,
They say you live to love again...
But I can't see
How that could be
When locked in white and black.

I've often wondered why it is,
I've often hated her for it...
But I can't shake my mem'ries
That are relics of my past.

The watches of the night have proved,
The hopelessness of light has doomed
My heart to ever suffer in this prison
Of the night.

A torture of the cruelest kind,
And totally without design,
For she can't see the sobs
That wrack my body day and night.

No other route remains, I guess,
I love a mem'ry, that is all...
But mem'ries have the way
Of gilded portraits on the wall...

The antiquated thoughts arise
And run through channels in surprise,
Though I don't see, why they persist,
In always asking why...

It's obvious I am in love
And nothing could be worse for wear,
For I can't quiet every fear
Within this beating chest...

I need my rest,
Please take me home.
I'm tired, tired of this past,
For I can't hope to ever last
Within this world of inner snow.

Blow! Blow! World of snow,
For I can't feel when I am cold.
Bring comfort to a world that's wracked...
With haunting eyes of white and black...

~Dan Midgett 11:30 PM 11/15/09

...

have you ever felt like you were betrayed, or hurt, or ignored--even though all you were doing was being friendly and giving others love? Well then you might feel a little bit like I do right now...I'm still not sure if what I'm feeling has any merit whatsoever, but I'm tired, and just a little worn-out with being treated in a way that seems to me, to be unloving...and just a little bit selfish... :(

I've often told people that I might as well be a girl with all the mood-swings I get, but one thing to my merit is that I usually handle those emotions in a Christ-like manner instead of vindictively...you can't expect to be loved if you don't love...and that's the truth of it. But I'm really feeling pretty lonely right now...sometimes other people really annoy me...often more so if I love them...which is ironic...but then again...if I love them, it hurts more I suppose...

that said...there's no better way to express emotions than in a poem...and this is what happened:

What Was, and What Lives:

life changes...but hopes move on.
The swirling blue of cirrus lifts our souls to new heights.

What once was colored, now it fades below...
beneath the snow of perpetuity—

To live or die, this is my dream...
to be a friend--which isn't always what it seems.
To be a friend means sometimes that we say goodbye
--and doing that is the hardest thing of all:

But firm the tiller, 'gainst the storm...
what hopes of heights, that now have been reborn...
for what is shorn, dost never need return to dust—
my footfalls pound the snow, renewed with thrust

Hear O’ Israel! The Lord thy God is one!
A father that will never loose his son
And lonely songs will never be forgotten
When sung upon the road that leads to him

What once was sorrow—now it turns to joy
What once was heartache, now becomes my cheer
For dissolutions quiet every fear
--within this land—of ever-changing snow...

And one day when I look upon my past,
A beauty that is born of more than ash,
I’ll look and see—rejoice with thee!
What beauty! Joy! What love was there!

--songs of a heavy heart bring comfort to a soul that weeps
...for I can bet my Lord dost never sleep
And shout my victory...to a siren-song that calls!
The call that once thought it might claim my all!
:)

~Dan Midgett, 10/19/09, 9:16 AM

hmm...I feel a bit better...thank you all for loving me...I've never felt unloved on blogger in case any of you were curious...well except for that one time that bethany wouldn't ever comment on my blog...lol, j/k...she did eventually! :) love you all!

Life is exceedingle excellent!

Hello my dear readers...sorry I have been so awfully dull and lazy of late...but in my defense it is much harder to be taking college engineering and blogging then it is to be doing highschool and blogging. I'm so deep in math, I feel like I've doubled my knowledge over the past year, but I don't mind it at all...I love applying and that's what Engineering is about...applying the principles of mathematics to the real world and solving problems...and, what I like best, building things!

yes!

...but that wasn't what I was going to talk about... ;)

What I was going to talk about was life's exceeding excellency!
...as many of your mournful readers know...I crunched my ankle playing racquetball 2 weeks ago...it was my last post before I died to the blogging world, at least it must have seemed like it to all of you! lol...but before I could feel sorry for myself life decided that it just didn't want that mood in my head and became excellent!

I am so happy right now...but that's not really new for me...God is amazing and my friends are amazing...even my ankle is amazing!!

So here's the epic story:

...a week ago we had a worship night with our prayer group and spent an hour and a half just worshipping God in one of the auditoriums...it was absolutely amazing...I could feel God's gentle presence there so strongly! And then afterward Anna told me to wait a while while she talked to Sheridan, and I was like: "Well I'm too happy to stay in the car and wait so I got out...and ended up walking all around that area of the parking lot...and basically singing the entire half hour...and not a single one of the things I sang was a written worship song, I sang my own songs...let God's spirit course through me...and just sang whatever I was feeling and prayed...it was absolutely amazing...it was like speaking with song...speaking to God but singing and rhyming everything...oh it was so good! And the wind was amazing that night too...every time I walk and sing it seems like the wind picks up to sing with me. I just was feeling so strongly that this was what I had been missing...a year ago when I was writing most of my poetry...I was out walking, singing, and praying every single night because God was so amazing...

I'm really begginning to see him in everything...even my schoolwork is a task of spiritual faithfulness...in fact God's told me to get off my bum and get cracking at homework before when I was being hesitant and putting things off. And if God's in the homework than you can be sure your life is a lot better, ;)

The night after that...I was in my bed praying as I was going to sleep, and I felt like it would be a good thing to pray for my ankle...up to that point I really hadn't felt like it was important...I do tend to brush aside injuries but it seemed like God was leading me in directions like that...so I did...and the next morning I woke up with it so much better! It was really amazing!

the day before it still hurt every other step and had pain when I tried to walk up stairs or walked on it for more than a few minutes...the next day I woke up and forgot I had a sprained ankle for most of the day because there was absolutely no pain, and I was speed-walking everywhere and going up steps quickly...the only times I noticed the difference at all was if I tried to run or move really fast like in sports...and now after a week I can even do that...isn't God awesome?

~Dan Midgett

Being Physically Restrained is more annoying than I first thought:

hey guys!This is a short post to friends far away to let you know that Dan finally hurt himself... Big surprise...I never get hurt. I actually have the nickname invincible lol...but yeah

turns out I'm not so invincible as we all once thought. So yeah...basically I was playing racquetball this Friday and was doing really well...I love that sport! in fact I dominated my two singles rounds with scores like: 15-8 and 15-7. we were playing a doubles round where I had a partner and it was a bit crowded in there with 4 people...near the end of the game, when I was serving up front...a ball was hit that bounced high up against a wall up front...I ran forward and jumped along the wall because if I could reach it, it would be a perfect front slam and I could have scored an easy point because I had a side shot at the front. Unfortunately...my plan of running into the wall while hitting the ball failed this time...the ball barely got away...not because I didn't get to it, but, well...I'm still not sure why...my attention was occupied at that time with this unique feeling in my ankle of it being squashed sideways underneath the weight of me landing...it bent sideways and I felt the ligaments crackle and snap, and then it was over. For a few seconds I was like: "No biggie...I just rolled my ankle, but then it started burning" and I got down clutching my foot. Two of the players were senior pre-med students and they quickly felt it over and diagnosed me, and told me that I needed to put it up outside and so they helped me stagger out. Eventually the pain faded to a throb and I found myself incredibly annoyed that I was watching a cutthroat game and couldn't play. However, my ankle continued to hurt. I hobbled around campus for a while waiting on anna to leave and then hobbled to the car...I was happy however impaired and I figured like all minor injuries I would wake up with my ankle fine and it would just be a something minor. that didn't happen. I still maintain that it will be fine and I think it's doing better...but I still can't run...or even walk without it hurting every step. worse yet I'm definately not going to be able to carry my backpack around campus monday...and so I'm still trying to figure that out. It's also swelling around the spot that continues to hurt and that side of my foot looks like I'm fat...I've been icing it all day but so far it hasn't helped and it still continues to make weird cracking sounds when I stand up to fast or try to put too much weight on it. I look hilarious when I walk. Anyway...prayers would be appreciated...I'm really hoping that this is nothing serious...and just a sprain that will go away...I've been told bad injuries with ankles and knees can affect their performance for life...or at least make it way more likely that it will happen again. Again...pray for me...I am beginning to get a little worried about it because it's not improving like I expected...it's not one of those things that I can walk off like I'm used too. All in all, it's rather an odd experience for me...I can't ever remember having an injury that kept me from being able to walk and play sports if I wanted too...I've never broken a bone...never torn anything...and rarely even pulled a muscle...in fact I don't think I ever have. It's ironic that I spent my life doing dumb things like jumping from rock to rock on slippery boulders in my bare feet and sprinting down trails covered in large rocks in my crocs and never had a problem until I injured myself in a perfectly normal way playing a perfectly normal sport. I'm not joking when I say my footing is very good...I've spent my life backpacking and sprinting down trails covered in rocks and roots...I can go faster than anyone I've ever met on those terrains and my feet rarely slip...if they do it is easy for me to catch myself with my hands or in a roll...so yeah...odd...as I said again pray that this will be healed okay... for those of you that have had injuries you're prob. laughing at this, but it is new to me...I really don't get hurt or sick all that often. in fact, we've had about 3 or 4 sicknesses come through in the past month and I stayed well through all of them... ~anyway...farewell...have a good weekend! I just wanted to let you know the interesting things that are going on in the life of Dan! I know God is good no matter what happens. ~Dan midgett

The world is singing!

I'm ecstatically happy this morning!

Lately I've been having trouble sleeping, but I gave it to God and had the best night of the week...I feel so well rested! I'm also just really happy, it might have something to do with the fact that I have Ëarwen's blog up on another tab and am listening to her awesome list of beautiful tracks. But it's more than that...God is just so good! And I'm happy to be alive and serving my creator. I have every reason to be stressing...in fact I have a heavy Calc-based Physics II exam in an hour, but I'm not...in fact I'm not even studying...I'm doing this instead. ;)

I feel at peace about the test and life in general because I've spent ample time preparing, and because the world is singing right now...just open your windows and listen!!
Ah! The ecstasy...I'm an optimist by nature, but life never smelled so sweet before I began my personal relationship with my creator. I long to do nothing more than glorify the son...and as it says in John...

"Do you not believe that I am in the Father, and the Father is in Me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on My own initiative, but the Father abiding in Me does His works. Believe Me that I am in the Father and the Father is in Me; otherwise believe because of the works themselves. Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father. Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. "

so I can have faith that if I am about Jesus' work, he will always be beside me...and his joy will never fade. He even promises to work miracles through us if we are truly willing to believe in him! Which I've seen happen...but that's another story. What I'm talking about is God's love, and the ever-present joy that comes with that. Jesus didn't promise us eternal happiness...happiness is the shallow emotion of feeling pleased in the moment...the absence of dissapointment. But, Jesus promised us something much better. Though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death we do not have to fear. Wherever we go...wherever we turn...Jesus is beside us, congratulating us on our faithfulness...and it turns the harshest torture and bleakest prison into an ecstasy of the heart...a time for us to be caught up in the beauty of our creator. The one and only God, who endured far more that we might commune with him as we are now...and if that is the case...then who cares what happens to me...I want to be faithful to that God! You see...God doesn't promise that we won't feel fear, anger, despair, or any of the other negative emotions that are so common to man...he promises that their power has been taken away...he promises joy and hope in the midst of them. We wouldn't be human if we didn't feel fear at times, we wouldn't be human if we weren't sad when a good friend dies or is hurt, yet there is a difference between joy and happiness. America and the world seeks happiness...something that is as shallow as it is elusive...but joy...that is something difference. Joy is much deeper, it is a fruit of the spirit...promised to come from that spirit residing in us...if we are living in God we are guaranteed his joy...a comfort when we are sad...temperance for our anger...and something that never fades. Obviously we are imperfect and you may not always feel like God's promise of joy is true...but they may be because you think joy is something it isn't. You see...I can be peaceful inside and communing with my God anywhere...and if I'm right in the middle of the road...walking out his plan for my life joy is there...it is when I hop off that road and take detours that I begin to wonder where my confidence has gone...it's from God...it was never in me. And knowing I am with God is stronger than any circumstance...he's proved to me I will always feel his joy if I reach out my hand to accept it...and I feel it now...I feel it in the wind, and in the trees, I see it in my fellow Christians here at college...and if I am willing to sing the song that the whole world is already lifting up to God I can join the chorus of joy that daily streams to my creator...it's way better than worrying about a physics test that I've already prepared for!

A Sonnet Sung From Sand and Time:

The Music of life drifts over me
The gifts of heaven--sung in heart
The talents given from my God
A living love--a holy spark

The music of life--I feel inside
The pulsing beauty of my world
Emotions shift upon a wind
Of paradise within the swirl

The gift of music in the ear
A love that lurks in mind
A sonnet that is sung for me
Within the sands of time

A precious gift--from God it streams
This "inner ear" of mine
My heart it echoes with the words
Reverberating lines

Simplistic forms of nature--
They dance and twist with me
lines contort in lovely shapes
Existing just to be

The world is moving in a swirl
No form is still--but sings in night
The music echoes with the rhyme
As song and form take flight

Music twists with mellow notes
And draws a laugh from me
The chimes in the window tinkle
A sound that comes from thee

And still the dance--contorts in me
A flowing picture of our ties
When humans try to break our world
It only gives it life

And seeing this--I realize that
In truth--we pose no threat
The world will sing despite us
Yet sing even more in our debt

We give its voices life and breath
Yet crush them in our minds
We sing and dance--and pulse with it
Yet with our hearts we bind

But think what we--using our gifts
Could do within this sea
You have but to open your mind
And then you'll dance me

And where there was one--now there is two
Both channeling the breeze
Together we can ride the swirl
Of an undulating sea

Come sing and dance within my world
Come three and then come four
Together--we can do even more
For nature, and for God

~Dan Midgett 9/6/08 1:20 PM

...I hope the joy of God rests on you all today! Join the chorus of Christianity today...it would make me very happy! ;)

Poetry's Square (Entry 2):

For poetry fans and readers: I break several conventions when I write poetry. The most confusing one for English teachers is that I habitually eliminate punctuation from the end of each line. It is my "style" if you will. In poetic convention, if you do not have punctuation at the end of each line; however, you are supposed to read through it and act like there is no break. For me, though, you can just assume that as each line ends...there is a hidden comma, period, colon, or semicolon there. most people pause at the end of each line anyway...but you aren't supposed to...I will try to insert the appropriate symbols for posts ...but if I miss a few that's why. They aren't there in my poetry folder. I think, for those who rigidly follow grammar, that if you will pause appropriately at the end of each line, esp. on the last post that you will more easily discover the underlying rhythym. But most of you didn't seem to have a problem...I suppose it's easier to find the pattern then I expected anyway...and I just realized that explanation was pointless since I will be inserting the punctuation from now on. Actually, just forget all of that...not every line pauses, and I didn't realize the problem, because I know in my mind how it is supposed to sound...here I'll fix it. ;)

That aside...
For the surreal-minded here is an interesting poem for you:
Ask yourself this question: What would the world look like without God?
Here is my answer to that question...

Where the Banshee Calls:

Shout a song of violence,
And see our hearts ignite.
Volcanoes deep within ourselves
Spew forth a hellish light.

Deep within a warlike psyche
Lays death, a latent strife.
Takes but a key to open up
Before Pandora bites.

Mirrors gleam upon the walls
And hearts stare back at us.
The mocking faces always call
And echo back our lusts.

Red and black--still we lack--
Our burning banish us;
To ever wander by ourselves
Amidst the curs’ed dust.

Wail and moan--death and groan--
The Banshee calls upon its own.
Upon our moonless nights of gray,
That turn to fire with the day.

There morning glistens with surprise,
On blades of blood, with red sunrise,
For all the world is burning.
There is no cure for what's inside.

Terror gleams and favor rides,
Upon the wings of death’s arise.
To endless sleep--we hear the call--
And rush to kill--and then we fall...

The shutter halts its onward thrust,
Our work--again--returns to dust.
For human is as human does;
We all are products of our lust.

Dissipation--haunting calls.
It echoes softly in our dreams,
As dreams to dust again return,
And silence reigns on flick'ring scenes...

~Dan Midgett 12/12/08 9:00 PM

musings...

I hope to have a longer entry soon. Until now, I'll post this small snippet of encouragement. Enjoy and stay tuned!

To Muse:

Look what stirs...music
Lilting waves of pure sonnet that drift with the fragrance born of soul-song.
The haunting songs of footsteps speak upon the doorsteps of a world asleep.
The being whispers through sky and city...lilting like a lark as it drifts
From door to door...hour by hour the song echoes through all we live in and all we breathe.
It is the life-song the God-song...and it longs to be united with our soul-song.
Diaphanous whispers of purple vapor drift like lace across the edges of our minds,
The spring echoes, then moves on--who hears?
Music--the soft sound of a world rejoicing in what it once was--a cry of restoration;
Referendum of creatures--life-song.
The voice calling like a ghost of our past--haunting in the light of a bitter moon:
For us to be more than we are...
What lives we live oh sleepers,
What breaths we breathe, encased in minds of lead.
There is a hope that has whispered for generations...
When will your soul speak soul-song again?
~Dan Midgett 12/25/08 10:00 PM

A comment that became a blog:

So, I was thinking about the comment Bethany left on her last blog entry, and I started to reply to it...but after typing forever I found that I basically had a blog entry in that little box lol...so here are my funny musings for everyone who wants to hear. this is an odd topic so stop reading if love makes you uneasy...lol

To Bethany and other girls in general who are curious about how I view girls and relationships:
And to guys who feel the call to love as God would have them love...here is a message for you:

I think you misunderstood my comment. I wasn't saying you won't be "boy-crazy" if your father was a loving one...I was saying that many girls feel the lack of their father's love and it is one of the things that makes them hungry for the love they find in relationships...being interested in boys is a natural thing. I certainly wasn't saying that it wasn't. You could call me "girl-crazy" too if your requirements were that I was interested in them and seek out attention from them. The difference is I don't feel like I "need" a relationship other than friendship with them. Sometimes I find myself thinking fondly of being in love...or, if I am in love...of letting the one I love know. but I certainly don't "need" a relationship because God is my love and he has done such beautiful things with me as a single. In many ways I'm like your friends I suppose. I've never dated and had very few crushes. But that is also primarily because God has been an amazing friend, and because when I do like someone I tend to like them for a long time. And because when I like them...I still don't feel like I need to date them. Because I know that if I truly loved them I would wait for God. Don't get me wrong...I'm extremely interested in a girl if I like her, and find myself thinking of things like marriage and spending time together all the time, however, I know that without God's timing...all my fond plans could very seriously hurt the girl that I love. It would be a false love indeed that took for itself and disregarded the plans that God might have for someone. That would be a selfish love...not something I want. That's why God's a paradox, because I find I can't love girls like they deserve unless I love in a way that the world often sees as weak. What guy in love would wait and never do anything...even to the point of losing the one he loved? The one that cares more about them then he does about himself is who. If that sounds weird think of it this way: I've found in my life that there is nothing more wonderful then being exactly in the middle of God's plan for you. I don't ever want to date someone unless I'm seriously thinking of marrying them, because otherwise there would be no point. And if my intention is not marriage then I don't see how what I would be doing would be any different from being a good, close friend. I'd just be playing with people for my own pleasure. something I can't abide to do...it may seem attractive, but it's just not something I'm very interested in. So, if I don't want to date someone unless I'm thinking of marrying them (that's called courting), and if I know that the most blissful, healthy, and wonderful thing in the world is being right in the middle of God's plan...then obviously, at least in my mind, the last thing I would want to do to someone I sincerely loved would be to get in the way of God's plans for them by pursuing my own ideas of passion. God must lead me there, otherwise I am not walking the path that he has shown me. Anyway...I'll shut up before I start rambling about love...I'm entirely too much of a romantic even though I've never been in a relationship...and I've been very happy that way. It's a paradox really. I love girls to death, but I just don't feel like being a boyfriend...I guess I'm afraid, but I also know that you girls would distract me entirely too much! ;) ...and GOD has laid claim to my attention during this part of my life...

I'm waiting for God's time...be that never or sometime in the future. I know if I wait for him I won't have to worry about messing up my love life...and as it is I get to know tons of awesome girls anyway...I've met quite a few just this week, and it's wonderful to see God in the lives of each and every one of them. And I can't mess that up...if I am to be a man of God I must stand firm in his way, and be a blessing, not a burden, to the christian girls I meet. I don't want them to be worrying about me...I want to give you all the assurance that I love you so completely that if you ever get romantic attention from me then I'm pretty sure God has given me the go-ahead. I admire you all so much...and thank you for respecting me. May God give you men that love you with his own agape love. However exciting love is in the moment, remember this. If the man you find yourself with does not love God more than you...and is not willing to sacrifice being with you for God...then that man will never be able to love you as completely and as wonderfully as you deserve. It's another paradox, but a true one. If we do not learn to love God above everything...then God, the father of our true love, cannot teach us how to love like he does. And what do you want...our incomplete love? However wonderful that may seem in the moment... Or the love of God, the omnipotent creator who has loved you before you even began to dream that you would be yearning for love now.

Let's give it up for a God who loves!
I hope every one of you gets a man who loves you like you deserve...

~Dan Midgett

A world of spirit--within each of us cries:

Lately, I've been thinking and remembering. Remembering the songs God has sung with me in my past...and the goodness that he has extended to me. There are many things I can look back on with fondness...such as the first night I abandoned myself to him and began to run and spin around in an open field under the stars. The first day that my happiness turned into song and I learned to express my bliss in words never spoken before, be they English or some other language. These things have now become such an intimate part of my relationship with my creator that I can't imagine knowing him apart from the gifts of song, joy, and esp. poetry.

poetry is a part of me, a facet of my life and an outlet for my joy and emotions...each time I write I can feel the creative energies creating something else unique...something is caught up within me and I am with God. In fact some of my poems have been written when i was so drunk in the holy spirit that I can still remember my mood. Ecstatic exuberance...frenetic typing. Sometimes I would be so excited and full of God that I would close my eyes and just type, following every thought, and wave of joy and love that drifted me from place to place. Because of this, I frequently list poetry as something, that at least for me, is very closely akin to an expression of the Holy Spirit. The first week when I really learned that I had this gift inside of me, was one of the best weeks of my life. I had taken a single semester of poetry class maybe 2 years earlier...and being me...I got bored with all the analysis. I felt like I was dissecting people's lives, and as a result being in poetry class did little to start me writing. It wasn't until God exploded in my life that I began writing for myself. Not to fit a format or try something I had seen...but...to just...write. You know...for the heck of writing...because I felt such wonderful feelings that they needed to be put on paper. Never have I written like I did that first week, in such sheer volume. In the space of a single week...I spent almost every night up until 2:00 in the morning walking, singing, talking to God, and writing poetry. I produced about 15 pages of poetry that week...and then left for college. It was a special time. Then, one month later, about this time actually, at the beginning of september I had another week where I composed poetry every day...each time it produced poems that still catch me up when i read them. And I can remember, and feel again, the emotions that I felt when i wrote them. When I read Bracie's invitation to join poetry square, I thought about it and realized that I really, really wanted to join. There are maybe, only 2 or 3 peoply in the world right now that know over 5-10% of my poetry, and every time I have thought I might share it with teachers or with groups that publish such things, God has stopped me. I have no idea why, but I feel in my heart that this may be my first chance to really share anything with a larger group. I thought picking the poem to post was going to be excruciatingly hard, because I have written about 70 pages of it...but I had forgotten something about my poetry folder. In the midst of all those pages and pages of myself lies a picture of my life. Every time I start to read it again, I realize how beautiful God is, and it inspires me again and again. I opened the folder...scrolled through a little ditty I wrote about a vocabulary contest...and came to the first real poem I ever wrote...and realized that it was the one I wanted to post. It may not be my best. Really, I dont' even care, but it gives a picture of me...my struggles to love and handle my gifts of empathy...which can be quite excruciating at times. The best way to show myself is to show where I came from and what God has done...and this first poem that I wrote embodies that, maybe better than all 65 pages that follow it. To anyone who is interested:
give it up for "Song of Empathy," which rightly could be called the poem of my spiritual birth...it embodies something I discovered about myself and the answer God gave...it almost reminds me of a Church of Christ hymn:

Song of Empathy:

Spring from my heart O love of God
Never stem the flowing stream
You love it races--'gainst the fog
and in my heart it gently gleams

You call my heart--O lovely Lord
And draw me to your grace
But wand'ring hearts and fickle souls
--they leave me in disgrace

My heart and soul feel fire Lord
And empathy brings pain
What once was gift--now it is rift
as spirit--Lord--takes blame

Smold'ring in my heart Lord
The world's disgrace sinks in
My heart once open with your love
Now it is steeped in sin

A sin so vast--a seamless mass
A void so dark and grim
That light of day--turns into gray
And fills me to the brim

Your gift O Lord--YOUR precious gift
Has given me with this pain
My heart it groans within my soul
And who can take the blame?

But then in desperation rise
A light within the sky
Of red and blue and violet hue
A rainbow up on high

The colors sparkle--shifting lights
Upon a sea of gold
A swirl and burst of brightness leaves
A joy within my soul

The brightness swirls--my body twirls
Aloft within the air
And laughter echoes in my mind
And leaves me void of care

Your love O Lord--salubrious
a sea of molten gold
And floating in that blissful place
I finally found home

And in a night of glittering lights
My soul was bound to thee
Not through my faith--but by your grace
A chain of love between

And as the lights--they fade away
a gently whisp'ring hum
An afterimage rests within
a picture of your son

What once was green--what once was home
What once was colored--gay and warm
What once was life and breath yet smoke
That now is gone--'tis only hope

My heart--it longed to cleave to you
And love it gently spoke
My fears awash in holy love
My heart has found its hope

What once was mind it now is heart
I solemnly intone
Upon my honor, hope, and soul
I'll find your holy throne

You write your laughter on my lips
My God YOU are my muse
My eyes they glow with your eclipse
My mind is but a ruse

I will no longer run and hide
From feeling others' pain
my God you've shown me how dear Lord
My heart is not to blame

I once was lost upon a sea
Of vastness great--and darkness keen
But now I've found the key dear Lord
Your love a chain to urge me forward

My optimism--once a joy
then fell to empathy
But heart and soul once bound by pain
Has swallowed your reprieve

The only way to find your heart
Was through your holy love
I could not find the answer true
'til joy fell from above

My heart that grieves for world and sin
Has found its blissful rest
The answer is: to channel love
And leave it on God's breast...

Dan Midgett, composed: 7/31/08

Physics II deserves to be put off for another hour! ;)

So, after commenting on Bethany's blog to delay reading my Physics II book, I decided that I just "had" to go back and read the blog entry that Bethany had called "hilarious," I mean, I was a winner there right? A helpful hint to Bethany: If I win said "hilarity-award" again, instead of putting a bunch of little phrases on it you can just take any paragraph from Sense and Sensibility and post it instead...I prefer the witty, Victorian style of humor to a bunch of "hahaha's." But other than that I am quite pleased with my little beauty...I will promptly download it to my pictures folder and label it: "What I do when I have to read Physics and I don't feel like it..." On second thought I'll label it: "What I do when I have to read Physics and I don't feel like it" because the name wouldn't accept an ellipsis. Excuse my while I keep my word...

All right! I'm back! Yes! And now my wittiness is immortalized forever and my award set to rotate through a slideshow on my desktop and show itself approx. every 5 minutes. "thank you...thank you..." *gesticulates wildly while doing a Chinese bow*

ahem. In answer to your comment about me not being funny enough, Bethany...I'd have to say that I hate forcing things. I'd rather make this blog depressing and serious if you don't mind, because: if I don't want to amuse you, but you force me to try anyway I might turn out to be a manic-depressive and commit suicide because you intimated that I was a failure...and then I might leave a note explaining how you had indirectly killed me and everyone I knew would start hating you and try to kill you for it...and a terrible vendetta would ensue and then your life would be ruined. And even if you apologized it wouldn't work because I would be dead...

...so that's why!

There is one sure-fire way to cheer me up though. All you have to do is walk past me while I'm minding my own business and speak really loudly to the friend you're with about all of your relationship troubles and how you just broke up with your boyfriend the day after your anniversary... Instantly my troubles will be gone! and I will laugh at you all day and probably the next day while I'm writing my blog entry. I just love it when that happens. :) I'm not taking pleasure in your suffering, but I just find it really funny when girls do that...it's like if I'm not in the conversation then I can't possibly hear it...which isn't true. If you speak as loudly as the two girls who did it last night did, then I could probably be listening to music and still hear it. But of course we all love girls, even when they expose their very obvious quirks.

Girl Quirks: (warning, if you are offended by this then I wasn't talking about you...if you think I'm exaggerating then you are right...but I take comfort in the fact that no matter what I say, it will probably be true somewhere at some time in the universe.)

1. If I'm not looking at you then you can't hear anything I'm saying
2. If I say I'm "fine" then that means I'm manically depressed
If I say I'm "bad" then I'm not really, I just want you to listen attentively to me for a while, and making up a problem was the easiest way...
3. If I'm looking at you for more than 2 seconds and we're not having a conversation, then obviously the guy behind you is really cute :)
4. When we're in the dining hall and you put a lot of food on your plate...then I will prob. have only a glass of juice or a small salad. I'm not anorexic I just want you to feel bad about what you're eating.
5. If you ask me for advice on girls my answer will be: "I don't know..." or "I hate girls." We have a hidden conspiracy to keep all of you in the dark.
6. I invent questions like "does this dress make me look fat?" because I like to see you squirm in situations where there is no right answer.
7. If you compliment me, then I have to insult myself and not believe you...I feel guilty about feeling good about myself.
8. men have wronged us long enough! I want equal rights! But if you treat me like you do your guy friends then I'll be offended. I demand special attention as well, to boost my self-esteem.
9. If you say anything that can possibly be construed as demeaning I will assume you meant it that way and be mad at you. But if you insult me quite openly then I'm fine with it--you couldn't have possibly meant it. ;)
10. If I'm mad at you then you are a jerk if you don't try to make me feel better, but if you try to talk to me I won't let you.
11. If I realize that you are breaking up with me, I have an intrinsic need to be the rejector and will interrupt you and break up with you first. That way I look better when I tell my friends what a jerk of a boyfriend you were.
12. If you are being serious I will try my hardest to be a blonde, because I think it makes me look cuter. If you aren't serious I will become seriously offended that you aren't paying attention to me.
13. Sometimes I wake up and decide that I will have a terrible day...I always get more attention when I do.
14. There is a set time I can be a close friend to you. Eventually I will decide that you couldn't possibly be paying that much attention to me without liking me and will either stop talking to you or try to get us to start dating.
15. You don't really have a life when you're not around me. If we're dating I will assume that there is nothing important that you have to do and will be incredibly offended if you don't go everywhere I want to go.
16. I know I don't need all the things I get when we shop...I only do it because it annoys you. ;)
17. Marketing for females is easy. If there is a different color of something I already have I forget that I have it and need another one.
18. If I use the same smile for more than 2 seconds than you're really boring me and I'm just trying to be polite. It's against girl rules to ever let you know though...I'll just avoid you afterward.

adieu!

~Danzibar

Well...when egos get in the way there is only one option. KILL THEM.

you can ignore the fact that my title is absolutely dissociated from my post. Everyone who it annoys can tell me so I can target them with more of my "quirky" charades. We all love them because they bring us such amusement...so yay for the picky people!

Really, if you begin to focus less on the fact that someone dissaproves and more on the fact that their face looks really funny when they do it...you begin to realize that life is little more than facial expresssions. The sounds that come out are mostly trivial anyway...so why listen to them...they will only bore you immensely unless the person has similar interests, in which case it would be easier to buy a sim and have the computer talk to you. When you get to this point you might as well just do as you please, because in doing so you realize that you get more fascinating facial expressions that are tantalizingly alluring to the reciever...for instance, if I stood up and shouted something random at the top of my lungs in a crowd, then I suddenly become the focus of a sea of flickering faces, showing their amusement, approval, or even better! Dissaproval! Which brings us back to the original point that if you don't care you feel more important.

Now that I've proved something I don't believe I can begin this blog entry:

Monotonize my every move
And Crush my very soul

Aloofness speaks of diatribe
Where words conceal my goal

Contrast makes the world go 'round
There were no "rich" if was not "poor"

And ecstasy is but a form
Of ignorance itself...

Speak of delineation
For lines contort my mind

Break my affixation here
And bind me to this time

Love or live--for actions prove
That love betrays our trust

To break our vows of selfishness
Would mean to wreck our lust

To fire-life I live the call
--An ember of dissent.

And make my every move an act
Of oligarchic twist

I seek bring the fall of man
And passions are my words

The lies that I percieve are but
Extension of my stone

To freeze the death
To bind the steps
That lead to heaven's throne

I am Pandora's box of pain
Mankind's dark wish,
The death of own...

~Dan Midett 1:42 AM August 15

hmmm....wasn't exactly planning that, but it was fun to write.
Make it what you will, I'm going to bed. :)

Of Life Beyond the Evergreen:

I just got back from an awesome visit to the English's:

It was without doubt the highlight of about a month...and probably the most fun thing I've done since CFO. ;)

There were a lot of things that made it awesome ;)
...namely, that it WAS the ENGLISH's...
but also because of 4 new awesome people I met for the first time:
among them Isaiah and Josiah English, thanks for being great guys!
I hadn't met them outside of blogging, but I knew they were coming as well and was looking forward to meeting more of the infamous English clan in person. Apparently they didn't know I was coming though, because it took them until later that night to realize that I was Dan Midgett. The mysterious blog visitor. ;)

That's actually one of my favorite things to do...to search my friend's contacts and find ones that interest me...then I start visiting them. If you get comments from me, then I've probably decided that you are original and/or love the Lord...good friends are hard to come by, and I find a whole lot of my best ones from my other good friends.

But I don't want to talk about my personality quirks...however fun that might be ;)
I want to talk about joy...profound joy and opportunity, and an example of things God does when you're listening. Because you see...what made this particular visit so amazing for me was actually NOT the fact that I was meeting original awesome people like me, it was that God was in our midst...and I could feel it all weekend. The reason I love the English family so much, is because I sense God in their hearts and house...and it makes it wonderful and relaxing...because God is the most wonderful friend I've ever had. I prayed before I came on the trip that it would be a trip worthy of God's glory...that I would not seek simply to love and get to know new people, but to listen and do his will...and to let his love and his plan flow through me. Even on the drive God's presence was intensely manifest. (present in physical form) I realized after a few months of being distracted from my real purposes, that Satan will always find something that will occupy my attention. As a blogger I just started visiting recently said on her "really long" blog:

"I am a good multi-tasker in someways, but a terrible one in others. Spiritually, I don't grow very much if I split too many ways, with too many 'focuses'.....because then, I loose a main focus." (aka God) She was asking how she could grow this year, an excellent question to be pondering. What I've realized, after being plunged out of my growth with God, time and time again, is that the enemy has more tools at his disposal then I had realized. Internally, my desire, hunger, and need to be growing never fades, and probably never will. I love God too much to slip...it's agony. But, Satan can use harmless things that I enjoy, that aren't even "bad" things to keep me from moving forward like I should be. I call these harmless, and sometimes un-harmless things "distractions." Apt name huh? For instance, I absolutely adore strategy games...I have a favorite called Civilization III that lets me control an entire civilization. However, this wonderful gift and desire that I have to use my mind, can also be used by Satan to distract my mind from what is more important...God's voice...and what he is trying to tell me about where I should move next. It's funny, but I've found that any engaging game leaves me less spiritually sensitive...the only ones that don't seem too are board games where I can play with other people. And there are many examples like this. I love reading, but since I hyper-focus on what I've engaged myself in, Reading can even be used by Satan to distract me...the question lies: What does being "seperate from the world" really mean?

For me...it means eliminating my "needs" for anything other than God. The implications are staggering, but worth it I've found. I don't "need" attention. I don't "need" to be appreciated...or "need" to look positive in my friend's eyes, therefore I can do things that are very embarassing for me but bring Glory to God. I don't "need" strategy games, and I don't "need" my family, or marriage, or anything this world has to offer. Now granted, to those that just lost me on the last line, marriage and family is a gift from God and not rooted in the world, but what I'm trying to describe is what Jesus and Paul tried to communicate. A life utterly abandoned to the creator. And intensely and powerfully submitted to his will. Any hold that life has on you can, and probably will be used by the Prince of this World to keep you from fulfilling your grandest potential. For instance, if you cannot bear the thought of losing contact with the friends God has given you now, then life has a hold on you...and you would find it very difficult to comply if God sent you to some remote region. The concept is fluid but simple, any door that we fail to open for God cannot be used by him. And if I want my life to go exactly as God planned...which I do...then I must open every door.

If God leads me to get married I will rejoice in the gift (because like all guys it is something that I long for) and love my wife with the passion that has been waiting in me since I was born...but, if God doesn't ordain that, then he's already proved that he will give me an infinitely deep friendship with him and will cover my loneliness with his all-encompassing presence. Like the apostle Paul said...to be single is one of the greatest gifts in this world...for you have no responsibilities, and no obligations but to God himself. Wouldn't that be amazing!!!? ...so I can rejoice that God will reward me if he's called me to that single life and I'm strong enough to accept it! ;) And if not? Then I'll rejoice in the gift...either way it's a gift...

And that brings me back to my original point: If you are halfway in the world or have not brought yourself to break out of it...God's voice will not be as clear and the life he is calling you too will be much harder to embrace...but if you are...if you truly sacrifice everything on the altar...then the bliss in your life will explode...for there truly is no joy in life like the divine joy of plunging into a blizzard, not knowing what lies ahead, but knowing that God will be a there...a true life of mystery and surprise. This is why splitting your attention and engaging in the things of this world...even the harmless things can be dangerous...because it will keep you always just shy of taking the steps into the snowstorm. Even a person who sincerely wants to move forward can be duped into standing still...if they let life distract them. But I promise you that if you have the will to throw your life away...then you can get there. Seek and you will find...Knock and the door will open, not always the door you are knocking on but the right door...and then you will move forward. Because listening has always been more than we make it out to be. If you are trying to follow God's voice then that requires persistence, but also an open mind and perception...because if your mind isn't open and searching in every direction...you might not see that door at the end of your house of doors click open. The limitation of your imagination and mind is one of Satan's most powerful tools...if you can't imagine the path God lays before you...chances are you will never see it...so search, search as hard as you can, so that you will not fall prey to thinking that God is standing still when really you have limited the avenues in front of you. If you think you can only move forward or backwards...then how will you see the path branch to the side? ...if you think you can only move on the plane of the ground...then will you see down...or even up? I challenge you to allow God to teach you constantly...because otherwise his plan, and his paths will be imcomprehensible to you in the future. For our culture always limits our minds...it's time to break free of it and accept God's standards.

This is the life I want and yearn for, and being in it brings the most rapturous joy I've ever felt. I openly confess to you all that I am weak and fearful...but I can tell you right here and now, that God works through weakness. I've come to realize that emotions and feelings are like colours...colours don't control you, they only accent life and bring beauty...but when the colours get drab I'm not going to stop and complain about how bleak everything looks...because I know that I am not controlled by colour...and neither am I controlled by emotion. It is possible to feel the deepest of sadness and depression and yet have an utter assurance through it all that everything is going to work fine...a deep and unfathomable peace. Feeling is human...and I will always feel...and contrary to popular belief being a strong, willing Christian does not mean you don't feel the fear that others feel. Inside I can be writhing with nervousness when I walk up to a person to say God's words and carry out his assignment, but it doesn't need to alter my steps...because God has proved himself...I KNOW he will always come through. And I'm not afraid to admit my fear, because I know that it doesn't need to matter. If you have been waiting for boldness, then I challenge you to stop waiting and move forward anyway...the faith of a mustard seed is all God asks...just do it...just take the first step and no matter what you feel I promise you that God will work...you may not see it. But I can tell you here and now, God is always working...all we have to do is walk after listening. God already does all the hard work...

Indeed...Bravery isn't the absence of fear...it is the action of working despite it.
Being a good Christian doesn't mean you're inhumanly driven and confident...often God will give that, but you must admit to yourself that he doesn't have too, and that walking with him will be full of surprises that will scare the heck out of you. ;) ...the trick is to work despite it. We are earthen vessels full of treasure...and "earthen" means that we are of this earth. Remember, however, that this is not our heart...our heart is treasure, something far brighter...we are but conduits for the glory and strength that moves us forward and we can often be overwhelmed by what God does with that glory, when all we did was let it pass through us. ;)

That's why you can be scared stiff and yet still be working God's glory...because a cold or hot conduit is irrelevent...and colour is below note. the only relevant thing is that we stay open and let God keep moving. Open yourselves and watch his glory flow...then see what emotion you feel...if it isn't exhilarition then you have a problem. After it happens, you realize how fickle emotion is anyway...Satan or God can change it in a wink...

For instance, the last night at the English's was really amazing for me because I could feel God in the house...so powerful and all-consuming that just being in the house was like being surrounded in a sea of God. I went down-stairs to read my Bible, but was so enraptured by the presence of my divine creator that I simply breathed and drank it in...letting it feel me and wash over me. Samuel, my cousin followed me, and found me grinning like a fool on the couch downstairs...just staring straight ahead. Of course, he asked: "What is It?" and of course I announced God's presence: "I just feel God...he's everywhere...in this house and it makes me so happy I just wanted to sit and drink it in..." Samuel's next comment was: "Man...I wish I could feel God like you." And God surged. When God surges for me it is like waves rising and falling...God's wave rose in me and I knew that this conversation was important to him. So instead of giving the cliche answer "Sam...don't feel that way! God is with you too..." and comforting him and telling him what I saw of God in him as well, I sat waiting for God's words...which are always way better than mine. After a bit I started speaking...and let God's love guide me. It wasn't words in my head...but my heart comfirming my thoughts and the thoughts God had put there, letting me know that they were part of God's intended conversation. God works in many ways...and I won't attempt to define how he worked...because I can't; he works differently pretty much every time. But I was speaking God's words...that's the assurance he gives. I told him that emotions were gifts, that feeling is nothing, but believing is everything. God gives us feelings like the awesome presence and joy I was feeling right there as a gift to us because he knows we enjoy it. But God isn't the feeling, and even if I wasn't feeling his awesome presence I would know he was there...just because I was feeling, wasn't anything...I told him...but the feeling is an expression, another fruit of God. He replied with: "I know that feelings aren't God, but I still want them..." And I told him that of course he did...we are human and it is one of the ways we most deeply relate. I told about the false facades that people slap down over those they admire, and told him that I suspected nearly every Christian felt inadequate. I told him that I, mess up all the time too, and that the only difference that I could tell was that I don't let it hold me. God forgives...and the longer we spend thinking and feeling guilty and thinking of the right words to confess and cry our hearts out the longer God has to wait for us to recover and move on. To be in God and grow, to truly grow, is to realize more each day how weak you are and how you can never measure up to Christ. But it's beautful because you realize that it's God that's allowing you to get closer to him anyway...all you have to do is reach for him. At this point Sam said something like: "Man Dan! That's what I love about you...most people would just try to comfort me, but you say something like: "Yeah dude...you're weak...I know, and you always will be...It's refreshing." I laughed and told him that God speaking is always just what we needed. And reminded him of an earlier conversation where God had met him and he had followed his words and had a wonderful night. I told him: "You were feeling then...weren't you?" And he said yes. And I told him that he had continue on that path...the feeling is simply an expression of God...a sense of something much deeper. And from that point on he opened up and poured out his heart. And I confessed one of my sins to him because I felt like God wanted it and we prayed for each other and it was absolutely beautiful. BEcuase God was in control.

So like I said, Let's be looking...God did some awesome restoration there and I love Sam very dearly because of his heart and willingness. Sam, is probably one of the most willing Christians I know. But like I said...don't we all feel? Don't we all get down and get hit? God cares...and Christianity is a life of weakness being strength despite it all. We are there for each other...but it's all God. What good would I be if God wasn't speaking and guiding me. It's a realization that you always feel as you see God work. Because it's God...and pride has no place in it. I mean, haha! It's not like I did it! The Glory to God for ever and ever amen. ;)

~Dan Midgett signing off