Friday, August 28, 2009

Physics II deserves to be put off for another hour! ;)

So, after commenting on Bethany's blog to delay reading my Physics II book, I decided that I just "had" to go back and read the blog entry that Bethany had called "hilarious," I mean, I was a winner there right? A helpful hint to Bethany: If I win said "hilarity-award" again, instead of putting a bunch of little phrases on it you can just take any paragraph from Sense and Sensibility and post it instead...I prefer the witty, Victorian style of humor to a bunch of "hahaha's." But other than that I am quite pleased with my little beauty...I will promptly download it to my pictures folder and label it: "What I do when I have to read Physics and I don't feel like it..." On second thought I'll label it: "What I do when I have to read Physics and I don't feel like it" because the name wouldn't accept an ellipsis. Excuse my while I keep my word...

All right! I'm back! Yes! And now my wittiness is immortalized forever and my award set to rotate through a slideshow on my desktop and show itself approx. every 5 minutes. "thank you...thank you..." *gesticulates wildly while doing a Chinese bow*

ahem. In answer to your comment about me not being funny enough, Bethany...I'd have to say that I hate forcing things. I'd rather make this blog depressing and serious if you don't mind, because: if I don't want to amuse you, but you force me to try anyway I might turn out to be a manic-depressive and commit suicide because you intimated that I was a failure...and then I might leave a note explaining how you had indirectly killed me and everyone I knew would start hating you and try to kill you for it...and a terrible vendetta would ensue and then your life would be ruined. And even if you apologized it wouldn't work because I would be dead...

...so that's why!

There is one sure-fire way to cheer me up though. All you have to do is walk past me while I'm minding my own business and speak really loudly to the friend you're with about all of your relationship troubles and how you just broke up with your boyfriend the day after your anniversary... Instantly my troubles will be gone! and I will laugh at you all day and probably the next day while I'm writing my blog entry. I just love it when that happens. :) I'm not taking pleasure in your suffering, but I just find it really funny when girls do that...it's like if I'm not in the conversation then I can't possibly hear it...which isn't true. If you speak as loudly as the two girls who did it last night did, then I could probably be listening to music and still hear it. But of course we all love girls, even when they expose their very obvious quirks.

Girl Quirks: (warning, if you are offended by this then I wasn't talking about you...if you think I'm exaggerating then you are right...but I take comfort in the fact that no matter what I say, it will probably be true somewhere at some time in the universe.)

1. If I'm not looking at you then you can't hear anything I'm saying
2. If I say I'm "fine" then that means I'm manically depressed
If I say I'm "bad" then I'm not really, I just want you to listen attentively to me for a while, and making up a problem was the easiest way...
3. If I'm looking at you for more than 2 seconds and we're not having a conversation, then obviously the guy behind you is really cute :)
4. When we're in the dining hall and you put a lot of food on your plate...then I will prob. have only a glass of juice or a small salad. I'm not anorexic I just want you to feel bad about what you're eating.
5. If you ask me for advice on girls my answer will be: "I don't know..." or "I hate girls." We have a hidden conspiracy to keep all of you in the dark.
6. I invent questions like "does this dress make me look fat?" because I like to see you squirm in situations where there is no right answer.
7. If you compliment me, then I have to insult myself and not believe you...I feel guilty about feeling good about myself.
8. men have wronged us long enough! I want equal rights! But if you treat me like you do your guy friends then I'll be offended. I demand special attention as well, to boost my self-esteem.
9. If you say anything that can possibly be construed as demeaning I will assume you meant it that way and be mad at you. But if you insult me quite openly then I'm fine with it--you couldn't have possibly meant it. ;)
10. If I'm mad at you then you are a jerk if you don't try to make me feel better, but if you try to talk to me I won't let you.
11. If I realize that you are breaking up with me, I have an intrinsic need to be the rejector and will interrupt you and break up with you first. That way I look better when I tell my friends what a jerk of a boyfriend you were.
12. If you are being serious I will try my hardest to be a blonde, because I think it makes me look cuter. If you aren't serious I will become seriously offended that you aren't paying attention to me.
13. Sometimes I wake up and decide that I will have a terrible day...I always get more attention when I do.
14. There is a set time I can be a close friend to you. Eventually I will decide that you couldn't possibly be paying that much attention to me without liking me and will either stop talking to you or try to get us to start dating.
15. You don't really have a life when you're not around me. If we're dating I will assume that there is nothing important that you have to do and will be incredibly offended if you don't go everywhere I want to go.
16. I know I don't need all the things I get when we shop...I only do it because it annoys you. ;)
17. Marketing for females is easy. If there is a different color of something I already have I forget that I have it and need another one.
18. If I use the same smile for more than 2 seconds than you're really boring me and I'm just trying to be polite. It's against girl rules to ever let you know though...I'll just avoid you afterward.

adieu!

~Danzibar

14 comments:

Bethany said...

Oh dear. I was helpless here for a bit. My cheeks hurt from chuckling so much.
Good heavens.

Oh yes, the award, tee-hee. As to th "hahaha"s, well, I agree, reading "hahaha" is not terribly elucidative.
The idea there was to replicate the effect of Hilarity upon a hapless victim. And anyway there were some little corners that needed to be filled up to create a pleasing, symetrical effect.

Also some little random quotes that caused even my dearest friends who know me in real life [That is, who I see often. Real life, for me, is relative] to scratch their collective heads in confusion. Especially the "slugs and socks" bit.

As to the "girl quirks", well! Ha. Ha. I think I'm the only girl reading [or at least following] this, so must I consider myself the target of this effusion of wit? [teehee]

I must say, some of those hit rather near home--and others merely created the predictable [if enjoyable] response of "hahaha" as I recognize traits that sometimes bug me about my fellow females.

You did NOT mention the infameous cattiness of girls towards each other. When I and some of my friends were about 12 [dreadful age, by the way] two girls were getting into an argument and one of the boys in the room [savvy fellow] said something along the lines of "Women's quarrels. Stay out of them".


I really ought to have some witty repartee ready about "Guy quirks" but being rather underpriviledged in the knowledge thereof, I will content myself by mentioning a little incident that one of my guy friends mentioned to me recently.

Whilst in the process of breaking up with his girlfriend, he was conversing with her on his cell-phone and she [quite a witch. Very unpleasant] made a comment about how she was the "perfect girlfriend for [him]" and he got so mad that he snapped the phone in two, and threw it in the river. I kid you not. We still make jokes about that cell-phone.

Regarding sundry doubts cast about my tendencies to force you into a manic-depressive disorder: Oh I quake! The whole Midgett clan will be down upon me! Likely aided by their cohorts the Englishes! [Except, o dear, we live on the exact opposite sides of the country. I've stopped quaking now.]

Well it looks like I've managed to squander another perfectly good half-hour here, instead of working on my script...so consider youreslf a favored individual!
[hahaha. Sorry, I couldn't resist. :) ]

cheers,
a very-much-joking
Bethany

Danzibar said...

ah! Why thank you dear! If you need any help with that guy quirks repartee just let me know...I'm quite capable of insulting my own sex. ;) And I quite enjoyed the phone story...that's hilarious...did he really snap it in half? hahahaha!

Bethany said...

Oh thank you for the offer! ;) I may need the ammo some day.

The phone story is quite true, his parents still labor under the happy delusion that it is merely lost. Eh, sort of in two pieces, and sort of at the bottom of the river...but yeah!

Kendra Logan said...

LOLS!!

Wow, you nailed so many things on the head...I never thought about some of those things before.

Danzibar said...

well admittedly I was trying to "dig up the goods" but I may have accidentally exagerrated and gotten some stuff right too. I tend to have a high success rate with extrapolating data to its logical conclusions. If you didn't understand that...I meant thanks...I appreciate your awesome comment on my blog! lol...

The Reluctant Dragon said...

Wow. You must only know annoying females.

You must be undersocialized. =D

I am convinced that "depressed" people are really only bored people in disguise. =D

Danzibar said...

Oh? ;)
I'm not depressed, only in an absurd mood. And I actually know quite a few wonderful, sweet christian females. But that doesn't change the fact that some females still do/think these things. As a result I reserve all rights to make fun of them, however undersocialized that might seem. :) If I seem mad at the female world, then it's only an allusion. they amuse me, but they can't hurt me because I'm a son of God. Besides I've never even dated before...it's not like I've had any personal experience with half of what I listed...I just enjoy thinking of funny things...

By the way...I hear a millenium is actually quite young for a dragon, although certainly longer than my measly 19 years...

Bracie said...

Clever, clever...

I'll second Bethany- you occasionally hit near home!!!

I must say, I'm looking forward to an installation of "Male quirks" as well. Or is that asking for "equal rights"? =D

While this is all very funny, I'd like to hear your sincere musings on womenkind as well. Otherwise, I'll will take it that you pay us very little respect indeed. Eh?

Yes, girls (as with all possible people groupings) have their little quirks, and (though I'm striving to rid myself of my faults through he who strengthens me)some may be unique to them. But to quote "THe Dangerous Book for Boys,"

"Although girls may be different, life would be one giant football locker room without them."

I'm not saying that you don't accept that- It's just not coming through...

Blessings!!!

PS- Did I say that you are very clever?

Bethany said...

Oh, Bracie! You've read the Dangerous Book too? :) Actually I've only glanced through it, there was one phrase about girls that did make me chuckle "if the girl has also been told to listen and not talk too much, you may sit there like two little silent owls".

Bracie said...

BTW- can I put your post on a "Debate time" (see that label) post on The Locket? You don't have to do anything- but of course you can comment I you like. You wouldn’t have to even read it! I just quote your post, quote my thoughts, and ask my readers to argue about it and tell me what they think. You might get some publicity... But I wouldn't link to you unless you wanted it.

Danzibar said...

No that's fine! I'm happy to participate. :)
Can you explain to me better how it works exactly? DO you just write them as entry's and then link to my entry or what?

tinydancer said...

am i too late to enter in on this fine conversation? oh well...
No, no. I think it's worse for a boy to break up the day BEFORE the anniversary... ;) And 1 more applies to guys i know. as well as them staring at us ("You can't see me peeking around the corner to stare at you"-which HAS happened to me before *shakes head tiredly*) 3. is... true...
4.Nope. I'd just chuckle...
5. YES! (jk)
6. never been able to ask that sort of question... but it would be kind of funny. ever thought it could just be for pure enjoyment? :P
7. Nah... i'd just be flustered...
8.... 9....
10. no guy I know wants to talk to me ... :(
11. never had a boyfriend, but i would. it would help me feel better... :)
12........ not really... but i DO have blonde moments.,,
13. don't really want that sort of attention, but i know girls who do...
14......15........not really........
16. nah. never went shopping like that...
17. NO! i could NEVER do that! it MUST be something completely different.
18. No. I try to be more subtle than that, but i have to say that football is tiring after a while...if i get a chance to talk with a guy...

and i would love the guy quirks... :) maybe i could understand why every guy at my church avoids me and my friend..... :(....
oh well. and yes, i do usually write books when subjects like this come up...
thanx!
-tinydancer

Danzibar said...

well obviously I wasnt insulting you personally...I didnt even know you when I wrote it lol!!!

haha...thanks for your input though...I've gotten every response from admiration to shaking heads and people telling me never to ever show my girlfriend if I ever end up getting one. To which my response was: "Oh! You think so? Well I wouldn't want a girlfriend that couldn't handle reading this..."

Obviously! I mean if you can't laugh at your own sex you are in a sad state...

tinydancer said...

if you can't laugh at yourself, you're in a sad state. :P
i completely agree...

"All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
~Jesus