Monday, October 19, 2009

...

have you ever felt like you were betrayed, or hurt, or ignored--even though all you were doing was being friendly and giving others love? Well then you might feel a little bit like I do right now...I'm still not sure if what I'm feeling has any merit whatsoever, but I'm tired, and just a little worn-out with being treated in a way that seems to me, to be unloving...and just a little bit selfish... :(

I've often told people that I might as well be a girl with all the mood-swings I get, but one thing to my merit is that I usually handle those emotions in a Christ-like manner instead of vindictively...you can't expect to be loved if you don't love...and that's the truth of it. But I'm really feeling pretty lonely right now...sometimes other people really annoy me...often more so if I love them...which is ironic...but then again...if I love them, it hurts more I suppose...

that said...there's no better way to express emotions than in a poem...and this is what happened:

What Was, and What Lives:

life changes...but hopes move on.
The swirling blue of cirrus lifts our souls to new heights.

What once was colored, now it fades below...
beneath the snow of perpetuity—

To live or die, this is my dream...
to be a friend--which isn't always what it seems.
To be a friend means sometimes that we say goodbye
--and doing that is the hardest thing of all:

But firm the tiller, 'gainst the storm...
what hopes of heights, that now have been reborn...
for what is shorn, dost never need return to dust—
my footfalls pound the snow, renewed with thrust

Hear O’ Israel! The Lord thy God is one!
A father that will never loose his son
And lonely songs will never be forgotten
When sung upon the road that leads to him

What once was sorrow—now it turns to joy
What once was heartache, now becomes my cheer
For dissolutions quiet every fear
--within this land—of ever-changing snow...

And one day when I look upon my past,
A beauty that is born of more than ash,
I’ll look and see—rejoice with thee!
What beauty! Joy! What love was there!

--songs of a heavy heart bring comfort to a soul that weeps
...for I can bet my Lord dost never sleep
And shout my victory...to a siren-song that calls!
The call that once thought it might claim my all!
:)

~Dan Midgett, 10/19/09, 9:16 AM

hmm...I feel a bit better...thank you all for loving me...I've never felt unloved on blogger in case any of you were curious...well except for that one time that bethany wouldn't ever comment on my blog...lol, j/k...she did eventually! :) love you all!

7 comments:

tinydancer said...

hm....
love the poem!
glad all of us on Blogger can make you feel batter. :)
i totally feel like that... well, a lot. But my problem is that I'm extremely emotional, and hate it. like, in every way you could possibly hate anything. So my feelings come out in sarcasm and my comments can be taken in the wrong way. ugh...
oh well. :) thanx for sharing!

Bethany said...

I'm going to comment straight off this time, haha...not about this post so much...just to tell you thanks for listening to my problems the other day, and being supportive...I can't even say what a warm fuzzy feeling I had afterward! :) Which sounds like a cliche, but a happy one.
anyway, I'll be praying for you and hoping things go well, and thank you again.

Scotland said...

Great job, Dan! And yes, I know that feeling. It cuts in a way other pain doesn't.

Bracie said...

Ha...You made me feel pretty unloved w/ that post on girl quirks a while ago...and yet I follow this and read you still... Hoping you'll redeem yourself, I suppose... how feminine to keep track of that ancient post...

No, no, enough teasing. You sound seriously discouraged. You all right? Life's not that bad, 'kay?

Yes, real pain isn't associated with blood. Unless, as our Lord did, you're sweating it.

It's been several years since physical pain has made me cry... but tears still come fairly easily, otherwise... I don't have a very thick coating, I guess you could say...

I always take out my dogs. They're the best when life gets confusing.

Am I the only one who thinks 16 is confusing?

Honest, go smell a fern. =D God's creation alway does something to me...

The Reluctant Dragon said...

*Looks deeply sympathetic* Ohhhhhhhh!!! You poor thing! I feel SOOOO bad for you!

*Starts breathing fire* But HOW DARE YOU SAY "girl with all the mood-swings" I AM SO MAD THAT I AM SEEING RED!!!

*Tears well up in eyes* If fact, it...*sniff* makes me want to cryyyyyyy! Wahhhh!

Just kidding. =D I couldn't resist.

Danzibar said...

thanks so much guys! I love you all...my day actually turned out very, very well...a big part of what I was talking about was adressed today...I think it was God being nice to me! Anyway...I'm happy now...and true to Dan mood swings, rebounding with more love and joy than ever...I still expect to feel sad quite frequently in the future about this particular topic...but it's wonderful to know that all of you, God, and my awesome cousins and friends here are willing and ready to share that pain...as the Bible says: "mourn with those who mourn..." it's a passage many people forget! :)

Danzibar said...

Thanks so much for your comment Bracie...and Bethany too...I usually find that going for a walk in God's creation and talking to him eases the pain...it's actually what I did the night it was worst...I walked out the door and into the night...and I just walked and walked...I also called my cousin Sam, who is like my best friend in the world and we talked and talked...and it was absolutely beautiful...I didn't smell the ferns though...maybe I'll try that next time! :)

"All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
~Jesus