Tuesday, September 2, 2008

A reflection on the past

Tonight I'd like to share with you a wonderful story from the night before I left for Lipscomb. I've only sent it to one person I think...in fact I had almost forgotten it with all the things that happen with God and school lately, but it was a wonderful night...and a classic story from my life. After re-reading it I just had to post it here!

"Well...that was a traumatic night...God had me do something new and I wasn't too good at it...still I was brave and when I prayed about it later God told me that I did good...I just wish I had thought of more to say! All I could think of was "God loves you" but that IS the most important...it's just hard since I didn't see whether or not I had any effect...I know what I did was nothing less than blessing yet he practically seemed ready to kick me out...and maybe that was just a test on God's part...it definately couldn't hurt in my neighborhood and if so I passed it with flying colors...still doesn't make me feel awesome though...First of all God led me to just walk and praise and eventually I made it through the woods and back onto the road...but every direction I turned to walk seemed to be wrong in my heart...until I started walking into this person's yard. At first I was sure that God would have me pray for that house but he didn't he just led me on around to their back driveway and to this big house-trailer I didn't know was there and he just had me pray for it forever...I went practically all the way around it praying in about 5 places which felt right...At first it was general...on my second stop I felt that there was a person behind the wall and that God wanted them to gather their strength...strip away the shackles of obedience and learned helplessness and just show their strength and talents to others and to God. Then again I stopped and prayed a general specific for another person or maybe the whole van...I'm not sure...finally I stopped on the corner and prayed specifically for a person and then for the van and people in general...this time in tongues and then in tongues while singing...it felt almost done, but I felt like God wanted one more thing...then as I passed the last corner God stopped me...he had me lay my hands on the van and just speak out in its future...I just felt the urge from God to speak over the people in there and I spoke for their future...in the future I saw a light for them...where they would finally meet God after much pain and suffering...I felt that right now their eyes were glazed and they felt meaningless and hopeless, but that in the future they would finally find my creator and I prayed it out loud over them..."Later in life they will find you and they will be given the joy at last...they will shout for joy at their restoration and weep for those years that they wasted...those days spent in the fog of the world...they will rejoice and cry...crying for what they have done...and you will call them to you..." and then I felt I could finally leave the van...then I had the house...walking home I felt my joy surge and I began singing again but almost as suddenly it twinged...and I turned until I saw the house...the next one God wanted me to pray for...and it had a light on so I did...wringing my hands around the stop sign I prayed for them...against the apathy in their christian lives and the distractions that were making their lives unattractive...I prayed against it and begged God to show them just once the truth of his love...the great joy that they as christians were missing out on...they knew God and yet they didn't...they knew God and yet they were blind to him personally...and I just kept praying God would twinge my heart whenever I started to leave and so I stood there crying and laughing for them and praying in tongues again...my words rising with the sobs and laughter in a wonderful undulating murmur...and I was done...but not...I felt I little twinge...very small but anything from God isn't...I looked at the house and knew God wanted more...prayed I could give more and then it came...the thought of me ringing the doorbell and speaking to them...and God's joy surged on it so I started to walk up...all the time my heart began to pound harder and harder...hammering...I saw several large vehicles and began imagining a ton of people I never knew and what I would have to say when they saw I had rung the doorbell...finally I got there but the joy had faded replaced by a hammering nervousness...this was crazy...I didn't know these people and it was midnight...whatever would I say...so I sat down...calmed myself and just prayed solemnly...how I knew sometimes we as people can mean more and for God to please confirm this...should I pray up close or actually ring the doorbell...well wad'ya know? "Ring the doorbell" God says...oh boy...as I walked up the steps I saw the sign on the door..."NO SOLICITING" well great! These people hated people who went door to door too! Everything was going wrong and now at midnight some freak rings the doorbell...but I did it...in my heart I said to God...if I miss, I miss...I'll take the embarrassment on the off chance it isn't you because I am willing to be wrong just to be right sometimes..."ring" and a man's voice in the house yells "Don't get IT!!!" I was like oh great so I just waited and waited and then the steps approached...the guy slowly cracked the door...didn't even really open it and so I'm staring at this face through a crack in a rib-cage iron outer door...man I felt like such an intruder but I said...good evening...I ummm saw your light on and I just felt that God wants you to know how much he loves you...the man says: "Well that's all good and well but not at midnight..." and I said..."yes I know but I just felt like God really wanted you to feel and know that he loves you tonight..." and the guy said thanks quickly and shut the door...I left feeling like a failure...no crying...no breakthrough in someone's life...but oh well...I know it was God and he has the plan...we can't all win but we can start planting the seed...I trust that my words did something otherwise God would not have insisted...and yet even if it was a test...well all the more reason for me not to fail...it was just so scary though...I mean not that much because I'm much better at those things but just the totally negative reaction...well not completely...the second time I moved to the side so I could see his face and at first he was grumpy...he couldn't understand why God would send him someone at midnight...but when I said it a second time he paused...not long but his eyes told the story...I don't know if it blessed him but he got it...he got that I loved him and that God did too and although he still shut the door quickly my "senses" told me that all the tension had faded...when he closed that door I was at least less of an intruder than I had been if I hadn't repeated it again...but oh well...it still didn't feel like a success...the guy was more awkward and confused but hopefully he will dwell on it...afterward all these wonderful words came to mind for me to say when I was there...things about God not being far away but close...about his amazing love and about the sense I had gotten of what the problem was outside...maybe if I had given him that he would have softened and been touched more...and maybe it would have annoyed him to hear a long speel...in my heart I knew the guy was tired of what was rehearsed...he had the sign on the door...he wanted heart and although he didn't know it that was what he wanted...and what he got...I'll never know if I could have done better but I feel that I could have...and I was just telling God how I failed but...well I knew it wasn't true...it felt true even in my heart but God gave me peace and when I prayed whether I had done well the answer was a gentle yes..."

quite awesome! My fondest moments with God always seem to come from me trying to love, pray, or serve others. This was one of the nights where God had me pray "in depth" with those insights and "senses" that he can give us...A wonderful experience that I've found he gives whenever we pursue it! I love loving so much that it pains my heart to see how violent the real world is...I just want to be out in God's love and heal all that violence...to soak it up in myself just to see it go...but alas...the job is much too big. But God has me help others in my own way and in the night his presence will often guide me to pray over houses or pray things I feel about the sleeping people around me. Or sometimes I'll just walk with him! Here is a narrative I wrote when I got caught out in a freak thunderstorm one night...I love getting soaked spontaneously!


Rain streaks down from a darkened sky. A caress and breath from my God, and a gentle, rhythmic pounding, softly falling like chimes upon the leaves. The lines of water descend from the heavens in undulating waves--Like breakers pounding against the shore of existence. The drops--they splatter on my face and skin--a light smattering of water that moistens me with its gentle breath. And as I lift my face to the rain, I see waves of droplets swirling down in a steadily increasing deluge, reflecting the shifting tempo of God's song. The rain patters down harder, like Bongo drums ululating through an African forest. A flash of God's strobe lights brightens the horizon in anticipation of what is to come...and then...a gentle rumble of thunder...God's clash of Chinese symbols. The rain comes down...down...first in gentle waves, as the droplets dance over God's world of drums, then harder and faster as if the world cries out for more of God's soft touch. As each droplet falls it adds its own accent to the melody--each unique sound combining to build the gentle song of God's rainfall orchestra. A line of livid light crackles down to settle with a flash on the earth below, and a breath of wind settles over creation, carrying with it the swirl and swish of a thousand softly falling snows. And the rain pounds the earth with mystery, its spray awash over creation. Tendrils of the mist touch against me...like the inquisitive stalks of fern leaves...uncurling and brushing against my face and hands. Thunder rumbles like a gong, reverberating through the whiteness of moisture hanging thick within the air, and the sound slithers--like melted butter--through the hanging mists. The rain falls in large, fat droplets--hard and fast--a splattering of stronger chords played upon the wood and ground of the world--God's guitar...And as if the heavens suddenly opened, the rain swirls down in a swift pirouette like the wash and play of the northern lights upon a shifting sky...thunder and lightning crackles through the air producing an undertone of strong bass chords, synced to the pulsing of far-off disco lights upon the horizon. Lines of bright light flash downward, strong and fast, like the quick, clean strokes of a surgeon's knife, leaving smoky trails behind them...and just like that...the rain fades...like the mist...evaporating gently into the air and distance as the light stutters upon the horizon...a camera's shutter opening and closing to capture its last pictures of the wet world left behind...I hear the clash of symbols...faintly and far away, and then all that remains is the gentle swell and wash of the sea as it fades into the distance...and the earth gurgles in merriment...as I walk, I hear the droplets from the trees singing happily against blades of grass and the gutters rushing to play with God's gift of moisture...and the earth is watered...

~Live in love as love in God! Love to live and live with me! Love with me and we shall see--all the wonders that unfold! ~Dan E. Midgett III

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"All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."